


Mercy

by allyouroceans



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Toxic Relationship, not that sad imo, other members are slightly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25217989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyouroceans/pseuds/allyouroceans
Summary: There are a few things Sungjin hates about Brian.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Sungjin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	Mercy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Softiebribri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softiebribri/gifts).



> \- this is for umee (bc you say sungbri needs more fics and i agree!), i hope you like it <3  
> \- shoutout to [melina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minhobbit) for beta-ing this for me ur da best!  
> \- the title is mercy from shawn mendes  
> \- i actually had so many songs in mind while writing this so here's a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5i2MyPJekx7j7AozFU4cCH?)

_I stand a hundred feet_

_But I fall when I'm around you_

  
  


There are a few things Sungjin hates about Brian.

  
  


In fact, it's just a short list. Sungjin actually likes—no— _loves_ almost everything that is Brian or Brian-associated. He could go on and on, complimenting and praising him with all the talents he has, all the beauty he defines, all the positivity he radiates. This _Kang Younghyun_ has been the sole reason behind Sungjin's normal sleep routine after a long period of struggling with sleep deprivation and anxiety attacks, letting nightmares and fiery wars in his head become the proprietors of his lost hours after sunset. Maybe he should call it a love-hate relationship. Or relation _shit_ . It isn't bad—isn't _that_ bad—though, but it is indeed toxic. And Sungjin is so intoxicated by almost everything Brian tends to be, pretends to be. 

  
  


First of all, Sungjin hates how Brian is so easy to read, like an open book, but also almost impossible to understand. To Sungjin, the younger is peaceful but hectic, a quiet chaos that is yet to explode, a calm sea that is yet to summon storms. He doesn't know and could never know what is going on inside Brian's head. He has even stopped guessing already, knowing full well he could never get the answers right.

  
  


Brian has always been a young man full of mystery.

  
  


The first time they met was not at all special. Just eye contact. A crooked smile, awkward and soft. Then a simple handshake and a soft _hello_. But it was memorable— rather unforgettable. Sungjin could never forget those breathtaking pair of eyes that looked as if they were trying to see through him, baring his body naked, his soul open. His lips curved like a crescent moon on a lonely night, like new leaves that have just appeared on trees in Spring. They looked almost sinful, looked like they could definitely bring him a countless amount of problems and headaches.

  
  


No assumptions needed, Sungjin knew he definitely had fallen in love. Maybe already too deep.

  
  


Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months of spending almost twenty-four hours a day together. They fell into their familiar routine: waking up, having breakfast together, going to practice, staying there until one came up with a song idea or one was too exhausted to do anything anymore, going back to the trainee dorm together, saying goodnight on some nights if they didn't forget, and the cycle repeated.

  
  


That day was slightly different.

  
  


_'Hey,' A voice pulled Sungjin up from his ocean of thoughts. It was, undoubtedly, him._

_'...Huh?'_

_'Wanna go for a walk?'_

_Sungjin raised his eyebrows. '...Me?'_

_'Duh, I'm looking at you in the eyes. Who else am I talking to?' He giggled; the sound echoed in his ears as a melodious lullaby one listens to every night before going to bed._

_Sungjin felt intoxicated not for the first time on that day._

_And there it went—their first time spent together, alone. Brian casually said he wanted to roam along the streets, to try some food, after a few months of practicing and staying inside the building without having any chances to see the world. It was kinda awkward at first, but Sungjin eventually figured out that it was just him feeling so shy because, damn, it was Brian who was walking next to him, humming some random tunes Sungjin couldn't recognize, looking so effortlessly like a daydream._

_Faint street lights, cicada sounds, the warm summer night breeze, small talks, and the way his smile shone brighter than the moon. Sungjin could still reminisce those things as if they happened just yesterday._

_'Hey.' Brian had said, all casual and calm. Sungjin didn't expect anything coming._

_'Hey, what?'_

_'I think...'_

_'I think...?'_

_'I think I like you.'_

  
  


Oh, how he wonders where those sweet things went, and when did their love has gone wrong.

  
  


Sungjin hates how their relationship developed. He hates how Brian seems to be under his control, giving him what he wants and following his opinions without a second of hesitation; note the word _seems_ because while things look that way, Sungjin is the one who has actually always been in his hands despite his strong appearance and reserved personality. He is riding on Brian’s tides; he could stay afloat and fine as long as the ocean himself is calm. And the funny thing is Sungjin isn't even scared of being drowned.

  
  


He hates how they could go from rough to passionate. How he knows how to deal with Brian when he decides to give up his control, how to have him pliant and vulnerable, squirming and moaning and sobbing under him. He hates how their bodies were made as if to fit each other, how they sound incredulously perfect together. He doesn't know if there would be someone as good as him in another life. He doesn't even know if there would be someone as good as him in this life if he were to lose Brian one day.

  
  


_'Hyung...' Brian had whimpered, panting, fully aware of how Sungjin loved being called hyung. It would be a lie to say that the sight before him didn't make him go crazy. Brian looked like an angel, a fallen one, and Sungjin's chest swelled so big with pride because he was the only one who could do this—to wreck him._

_'Huh?'_

_'I...love you.' He had said between his moans, all of the sudden while looking at Sungjin with those teary eyes. With those pair of eyes, he could never forget._

_'...I love you too.' He said before their lips were fused together in a deep, deep kiss as their bodies continued moving together in a rhythm they knew too well._

  
  


Sungjin doesn't know when was the last time they made love. Or even fucked.

  
  


Everything now looked so far away. So unreachable.

  
  


Another thing he hates is times when they reach their boiling points.

He still remembers their first fight. Like raging storms and burning flames, vicious words were thrown at each other without ever holding back. No one was physically hurt; there were just broken hearts and emotions scattered on the floor. The dorm became quiet for days. Everyone had noticed the uncomfortable silence between them; they were just too afraid. They all knew, not very well but still more than enough, not to interfere whatever the hell that was happening between the leader and the bassist of the team. 

And Sungjin couldn't lie. While he is so broken he almost can't be healed, he must have hurt Brian badly, too. Their love keeps going up and down. Someone walks away and the other chases, like broken pieces of magnets that keep coming back together. They fight like all yesterdays spent together were meaningless, but another second they are kissing like there are no tomorrows to look forward to. In the end, it is still him and Brian. Brian and him. No one is willing to walk away, even if it hurts. He couldn’t quite comprehend, but that isn’t much of a problem for them anyway.

  
  


_'Hyung... I'm sorry. I'm not your good boy.'_

_'Hey. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have done that to you.'_

_'No. It's my fault. I don't deserve you at all.'_

_'Hyung, Sungjinnie-hyung... You deserve everything... It's me that doesn’t deserve you. I let my emotions get the best of me... It's... It's uncontrollable. I don't know what got me so annoyed that day. I'm sorry...'_

_'Kang Younghyun, listen to me.' Sungjin cupped his cheeks in both of his hands, gentle like he was holding something as fragile as porcelain. He looked into the other's eyes, searching for emotions, frustration, guilt, or maybe even hidden lies. 'You are the only person I need. Even if you hurt me until I bleed to death, I will still be with you.'_

_'...' Brian went silent for the first time._

_'But if we keep hurting each other like this, one day we'll break apart.' Sungjin took a deep breath. He could clearly see fear and pain in the other's beautiful eyes._

_'I--I promise I won't be mad at you again. Please don't leave, hyung. You're the only one that matters.'_

_'I won't.'_

  
  


Sungjin doesn’t know anymore if what Brian says are lies; they might be partially lies, or they might even be all lies. He only knows that he’s going to believe whatever the shit Brian tells him. And he knows that it couldn't be _the last time_ like Brian had said, but it’s just the way their love works: they keep fighting and reconciling on an almost-weekly basis. It’s always like this: them throwing vicious words and hate at each other, and then them blaming themselves, trying to prove to each other that they were the wrong side. And while Sungjin wants to stop this relationship, go back to being friends and all, he just couldn't control himself. He knows he needs Brian as much as he needs him. It's theoretically impossible not to hurt each other. And, ironically, it's completely beyond any bounds of possibility to stop loving Brian either.

  
  


That is exactly why he hates how he himself tells his friends he isn't going to go back, to fix, to try again. Because he would always end up falling for the same person, deeper and further every time until he was buried deep down the core, never able to find a way back up. He hates how he could easily fall apart, break to pieces, shatter into fractions, just for him to put them back together. 

  
  


He hates how Brian always tells him, as if it was a kind of mental affirmation, that _I love you so much. I want to be with you forever. Nobody's going to hurt you. Nobody loves you more than me._

  
  


He should've known how these words hurt him more than they should and haunted him far worse than he thought they could.

  
  


He hates how they keep hurting each other. It's so ironic how the person who loves him the most and is his only source of happiness and comfort, the only person who could help him stand up straight, be his wings when he feels like falling to the ground, is also the person who makes him want to just jump off a cliff, and the person that hurts him so badly he feels like he couldn't breathe.

  
  
And he hates that no matter how hard he may try, he just can’t let go of Brian.

"Hey, Brian. It's been so long since I wanted to say this, but I think..."

_break up with him break up with him break up with him_

"Huh?" He raises his brows, head tilting to the side.

"I think..."

_Just say it, Sungjin. It's not that hard. It's for the sake of both of you. You won't get hurt again._

"...Hyung?"

_fuck it_

"I think...I love you."

He hates how he chooses to stay, to just let Brian break and repair him over and over again, for he knows he could never escape from this never-ceasing maze of heartbreaks.

Because what Sungjin hates the most, is how he, still, after all this time, loves Brian with the entirety of his heart.  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is my first ever sungbri fic i hope it's good enough ;-;  
> kudos and comments are always appreciated! tysm for reading <3


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